Today, I discuss why you should resolve your issues privately.

Table of Contents

The Ever-Consuming Pursuit of Public Attention

attention | model runway

People want to be the center of attention. Such a desire leads to an empty life fighting for the admiration of weak, spineless individuals.

The modern man is an attention addict. With systems such as social media, baring your soul and private life to strangers is as easy as a click of a button. And it can be profitable. Who doesn’t love getting likes, hearts, and public recognition from others? Additionally, some individuals can make careers out of screwing up their lives, then asking for donations from internet strangers.

The gossip mills and the undue attention they could bring are no longer limited. We can share our intimate flaws with the world, and others can do the same. The results are diminished returns, depression, and societal failure.

The Pursuit For Attention Always Races to the Bottom

“Resolve, and thou art free.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The desire for attention pushes everything to the bottom. Overall, people give attention to what is impressive or what is dysfunctional. They do not cheer for the mediocre and mundane. Therefore, your post about stable family life or a consistent workout routine will not garner much attention.

Cultivating virtue and exceeding the average will earn likes and attention. But such a path is difficult, especially if you want to maximize the recognition your earn.

Therefore, dysfunction offers an easier path to fame. Dysfunctional relationships, behaviors, and ideas are not hard. They require nothing to maintain, only the absence of standards and decency. Immature breakups, poor decisions, addictions, and so on require nothing from the individual but a lack of shame.

This desire for attention leads to individuals refusing to resolve issues privately because they can utilize such disfunction for public recognition. Why maintain your relationship when you can have a bad breakup then talk about it on social media? Why privately reflect on the memories loved ones gave you when you can post selfies at the funeral for likes and sympathy takes?

Individuals do not resolve issues privately because more recognition and resources are gained by taking your dysfunction and displaying it to the world.

Why Issues Have to be Resolved Privately

The collective cannot resolve problems. Only individuals can define problems and how these issues affect them. From there, an individual must involve their close community. Strangers lack knowledge of and intimacy with the problem as well as the power to help.

For example, a bad breakup cannot be resolved in the public square. Internet strangers do not know what happened because they only have one side of the issue from snippets on social media. They do not know the behavior and standards of the parties involved or how such people act outside of the social media’ fake glamour. Additionally, why listen to strangers who live across town or on the other side of the world? What could they possibly do, and what loyalty would you have to or expect from them? When it comes to personal issues, strangers have no intimacy, no knowledge, and no power.

Intimate issues like a bad breakup won’t get resolved in the public square because there is no incentive for or the possibility of resolution. And when problems are not resolved, they fester, grow, and infect. Dysfunction always creates more dysfunction. This is the danger of publically discussing issues.

How To Get Into The Habit of Resolving Issue Privately

power | woman raising fist to camera to show ring

You are the master of your destiny. Do not give power to others.

Remove yourself from social media platforms – Social media drives our need for attention without cultivating our virtues. When a dopamine hit is only a few clicks away, we will continue to sacrifice our dignity for empty likes and shallow approvals. Remove yourself from these platforms, and you have no way to indulge in the worst parts of yourself.

Get away from dysfunctional people – One way to reduce dysfunction in your life is to remove yourself from people who create it. When you have fewer issues, you are more eager to resolve them privately instead of needing to “vent” or discuss issues through gossip. Reduce the toxic individuals in your life, and you’re one step closer to reducing the need for external attention and validation. And remember, you don’t have to cut people out entirely. But, you must reduce your time around them, and you have to keep all personal and intimate details about your life to yourself.

Journal – Expressing your failures, successes, and intimate thoughts into a journal will give you the outlet you need. If you do not have trustworthy allies, then journaling serves as a release valve so you can discuss thoughts privately without the worry of attention addiction or backstabbers.

The Importance Of Privately Resolving Issues

smile | woman turned head profile

The better you are at resolving your issues, the happier you will feel and be.

The world is dysfunctional because individuals are dysfunctional. This dysfunction comes from a myriad of issues all individuals suffer through. It is crucial to understand such matters will take time, energy, and effort to resolve. And they can only be resolved personally by the individual who is suffering.

As always, the collectivists are shouting from the back, so let’s appease them. I am not saying you resolve abusive issues in private. If someone is physically hurting a mutual friend or someone in the office is hurting you, go to the proper authorities.

However, are you having a lover’s quarrel? Do you feel annoyed by your children? Is there a disagreement between you and your friends? Have you been betrayed? Resolve these issues privately. Confront those who have lost your trust or devise productive solutions to disagreements. You don’t need to post your frustrations on social media. You just look weak, and you never resolve the issue.

Let go of the attention-seeking. Turn your back on the modern man’s desire to be “admired” for his weakness and insincerity. When you do find such behavior, mock it. When you want to cultivate such behavior in yourself, fight the urge. Nothing good comes from seeking the attention of strangers.


“Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it.” – René Descartes

  1. What problems do you have difficulty resolving? Why?
  2. Who do you trust within your circle? Can they help you resolve the problems that ail you?
  3. How often are you on social media? Why? What do you get from being on there?

Please remember that it’s important to do the actionables. You’re not on this earth to simply read but to do. To become an individual, you must act more than you consume.

*Image credit to Unsplash.