How To Suffer In Silence

Goal

In continuation of last week’s post, we are going to cover how to suffer in silence.

Table of Contents

• What Does It Mean To “Suffer In Silence”?
  • When Should You Not Suffer In Silence?
    • Are you in immediate danger?
    • Is the problem ongoing and not manageable?
• How To Suffer In Silence
  • 1) Never express your pain to those outside of your immediate community
  • 2) Understand you are strong enough to deal with life’s burdens
  • 3) Become intimate with actual suffering
  • 4) Remove pettiness from your life
• Why Should You Suffer In Silence?
• Reading List
• Actionables

What Does It Mean To “Suffer In Silence”?

To “suffer in silence” is to endure personal hardships, without the need to complain, to better yourself and your community.

“It’s not that I don’t suffer, it’s that I know the unimportance of suffering, I know that pain is to be fought and thrown aside, not to be accepted as part of one’s soul and as a permanent scar across one’s view of existence.” – Ayn Rand

To “suffer in silence” means fixing what is broken without the need to bitch, moan, or complain.

Most people do not want to suffer in silence because they need attention. Weak individuals are not attempting to resolve personal issues and bring about the most good. Their goal is to fish for sympathy, pity, and likes.

Despite popular sentiment, suffering in silence is a mark of a healthy individual. You are not emotionally stunted. To resolve issues without the need to complain means you have a strong will and the ability to shoulder life’s burdens.

When Should You Not Suffer In Silence?

Suffering in silence does not mean tolerating abuse or grave injustice.

There is no clear line for when you shouldn’t suffer in silence. However, there are two questions you can ask in each situation.

• Are you in immediate danger? – You should not suffer through abusive relationships or criminal activity. Being abused or victimized does not serve your long-term growth and only empowers the abuser or criminal. Defend yourself or safely seek protection instead of suffering in silence.
• Is the problem ongoing and not manageable? – Most people give up on manageable dilemmas such as going to the gym. However, there are problems, such as long-term mental or physical health issues, which require outside help. For example, do not silently endure chronic back issues, suicidal thoughts, or PTSD. The purpose of suffering in silence is to strengthen yourself. Chronic pain that shows you down or makes you a danger will not serve your virtuous needs. Seek professional help to improve instead of fishing for pity.

How To Suffer In Silence

Endure, and you will be able to take control of your life without the need for external justification.

“Nobody cares. Work harder.”

Remember, suffering in silence does not mean wallowing in inaction, pain, or doubt. To suffer is to work through problems, and to do so in silence is to refuse to seek external justification for your responsibilities.

Therefore, to suffer in silence is to work diligently and without complaint. This is not easy. Consequently, I want to discuss the four ways to increase your ability to process pain.

1) Never express your pain to those outside of your immediate community

Keep your problems internal. Only communicate closely to those who you trust and are loyal to your betterment.

We have a culture of overindulgence and oversharing. Weak individuals overshare to avoid embracing hardships with grace and humility. They post everything from depressive episodes to failed dreams for strangers to read. This overindulgence is unhealthy.

If you have a personal problem, keep it within your community. Discussing issues within your community ensures your problem remains intimate. If your friends and family know you have a  problem, they will push you to fix it. Strangers will not hold you accountable.

2) Understand you are strong enough to deal with life’s burdens

Life is hard, but you are capable of shouldering the responsibilities.

“What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

Life is difficult. Despite the advancements we have made, there are still horrors and trials everywhere. You must believe you are capable of withstanding life’s challenges so that you can process suffering. And you are capable. You can improve your health, accomplish your goals, and overcome your fears.

Weak individuals complain to strangers about every issue because they lack the internal strength needed to solve their problems. For example, a woman may tweet about a rude individual on the subway. She cannot “suffer in silence” after the confrontation. Why? Because she lacks the courage to confront the individual or the maturity to let it go.

So, start with small actions and victories. These little moments of healthy eating, tasks completed, and responsibilities maintained will show you can accomplish the bigger goals. Once you gain confidence in yourself, you can resolve issues immediately instead of complaining and letting those issues fester.

3) Become intimate with actual suffering

Do not remove yourself from the pains and evils of the world. Look at them bravely, study them, understand them. The more intimate you are with actual suffering, the more gracious and grateful you can become.

Our society is disconnected from real suffering. This disconnection is why we harp on about “microaggressions” – we don’t know what real aggression, bigotry, or hatred are. Change that. Familiarize yourself with actual suffering.

One of the reasons I do not view my culture as racist is because I’ve read about my ancestors’ lives. I can process discomfort internally because most pains I encounter are small compared to others. Thus, why complain about something insignificant when there are more significant issues that require attention? This mindset will help you process pain internally.

4) Remove pettiness from your life

Weak individuals are petty because they are distracted. Pettiness gives legitimacy to a hollow life.

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.” – Ayn Rand

Pettiness means overindulging insignificant things: the gossip, the mediocre cultural norms, the popularity contests. If you move away from these elements, you remove your mind from what is small. This removal gives you more energy to internally process your life’s struggles. The more mental, intellectual, and physical strength you have, the better you can be at suffering in silence.

Thus, remove drama from your life. Get away from the manipulative people with small dreams and empty hearts. Remove yourself from the rumor mill and focus on adhering to virtue.

Why Should You Suffer In Silence?

The world becomes weaker as evil becomes stronger. To face your upcoming battles, you have to strengthen yourself.

Suffering in silence is key to a better life. The more you can internally process hardships and work productively through them, the better off you and your community will be. Why? Because life is hard, but your time is limited. If every failure, setback, and disappointment is acknowledged, you do not have the time and energy needed to work hard, help others, and improve.

Remember to have empathy for yourself when you struggle. Seek help when appropriate, but ask yourself: can I keep going? Can I push further through this struggle and complete it? Will my complaints serve my virtuous ends?

You are stronger than you want to admit. Suffer in silence and improve as an individual.

Reading List

• Can’t Hurt Me – David Goggins is a tough son of bitch who has gone through hell. The end result is a strong individual who controls his mind and has achieved a long list of admirable goals. His autobiography covers his life, his mindset, and how learning to deal with pain can make anyone a stronger individual.

Actionables

1. Do you complain often? Who do you complain to?
2. Are you on social media? What do you use it for?
3. What kind of pettiness infects your life? Why is it there? How better would your life be if you removed it?
4. What pains and struggles did your ancestors go through? What pains and sufferings do you go through?
5. What is one challenge you are struggling to overcome? How can you overcome it? Where should you start and how can you record your progress?

Please remember that it’s important to do the actionables. You’re not on this earth to simply read but to do. To become an individual, you must act more than you consume.

*Image credit to Unsplash.